Your Career Frustration Might Not Be About Your Job
Most career advice treats work like a math problem. But the real source of frustration is often an identity conflict — when success requires becoming someone you're not.
I had a coaching client last year who looked bulletproof on paper. Strong comp, clear growth trajectory, meaningful work at a company she genuinely admired. She came to me because she was miserable and couldn't explain why.
We spent the first two sessions doing what most career coaches do... skills inventory, role alignment, growth opportunities. Everything checked out. The math was right.
Then I asked a different question: "Who do you have to be every day to succeed in this role?"
That's when it clicked.
The Identity Problem
Most career advice treats work like an optimization problem. Find the role that maximizes salary plus growth plus impact. Run the spreadsheet. Pick the highest score.
But humans aren't spreadsheets. We don't just want good outcomes. We want to feel like ourselves while achieving them.
My client's role required constant self-promotion in a culture that rewarded the loudest voice. She's an introvert who does her best work in deep focus. Every meeting felt like a performance. Every win came at the cost of pretending to be someone she wasn't.
I've seen this pattern over and over:
- The extroverted culture when you're introverted
- The aggressive negotiation when you value harmony
- The constant visibility game when you prefer quiet contribution
These aren't skill gaps. They're identity conflicts. And no amount of career optimization solves an identity conflict.
Values First, Then Strategy
When I finally did this work for myself years ago, it changed how I approached every career decision. I'd spent years chasing promotions and titles at Cisco... checking boxes, hitting metrics, moving up. And still feeling hollow.
The problem wasn't my strategy. It was my starting point. I'd never asked what I actually valued. Not what I should value. Not what looks impressive on a resume. What do I value?
That distinction matters more than most people realize. Your values aren't what you aspire to. They're the non-negotiables that define how you show up in the world. And when your work requires you to violate them daily, no salary compensates for that.
This is exactly why MomentumEQ starts with values. Not goals. Not skills. Values. Because the best career is one where success doesn't require becoming someone else.
The Practical Test
Here's a quick gut check: Think about your last really good week at work. Not productive... good. The kind where you went home feeling energized instead of depleted.
Now think about what made it good. I'd bet it wasn't the output. It was that you got to be yourself while producing it.
That alignment between who you are and what your work asks you to be... that's the thing most career frameworks completely miss. And it's the thing that matters most.